


With all due respect, he's gotten in your head.

by bacchusofficial



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Cutter being... himself, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, look kepler! you really Do have a heart!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 06:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9060718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bacchusofficial/pseuds/bacchusofficial
Summary: Colonel Kepler has his annual check-in with Mr. Cutter, but Cutter is more interested in Kepler's relationship with a certain crew member than with how the ship's running.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so i wanted to learn how to write scripts, and what better way than w359 rambling?? 
> 
> for better formatting/overall experience, i highly recommend checking out the [ PDF](https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BziQJ1G49dJvSWc5MTdsSzVMRjQ) on google drive. but whatever floats your boat my guy.
> 
> special thanks to [ olivia](http://tictacboxes.tumblr.com/) for putting up with my rambling about This and helping me edit. you are the light of my life, baby. 
> 
> anyway, hope you guys like this.

 

INT. U.S.S. URANIA — KEPLER'S QUARTERS — 1900 HOURS

 

A room of Spartan decor. Everything has its place, and everything is in that place.

COLONEL WARREN KEPLER sits before a comms panel. He's waiting.

BEAT. Then a DING, signifying an incoming call. CLICK.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Hello, Warren! Can you hear me?

 

**KEPLER**

Yes, sir, loud and clear.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Excellent. I won't keep you long, I know how busy you are! This is just a routine check in—you know the drill.

 

COLONEL KEPLER takes a DEEP BREATH. He has prepared his next words carefully.

 

**KEPLER**

(confidently)

Sir, all systems are in working order. My team is, as always, performing excellently, and—

 

Before he can continue, MR. CUTTER starts to laugh. Quiet, at first, then louder, so that KEPLER can no longer ignore it. KEPLER pauses.

 

**KEPLER**

Is… something wrong, sir?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Oh no, nothing's _wrong_ , it's just that I already know all of that, Warren!

 

**KEPLER**

You… do, sir?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Of _course_. We had the systems analysis last week, didn't we? And, anyway, I know you'd never tolerate anything so crass as _insubordination_ from your crew!

 

BEAT. KEPLER is glad there's no video feed; his expression is just a tad too long-suffering for someone talking to their superior.

When MR. CUTTER does not continue, KEPLER clears his throat.

 

**KEPLER**

Then, with all due respect, sir… What,exactly, is this call about?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Oh, I'm here to talk about _you_ , Warren!

 

**KEPLER**

(what?)

…Me, sir?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(cheerful, as always)

You, sir!

 

It takes KEPLER a second to regain composure. But only a second. He is a professional, after all.

 

BEAT.

 

**KEPLER**

Anything in particular about me, sir?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

How _are_ you, Warren?

 

**KEPLER**

Fine, sir.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Just fine?

 

BEAT.

 

**KEPLER**

Permission to speak plainly, sir?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Oh, for you? Always, Warren. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

**KEPLER**

Sir, I am on a spaceship, lightyears away from my home planet. Everyone on here with me either **is** trying to kill me, _has_ tried to kill me, or doesn't see anything _wrong_ the others for trying to kill me. Every night before I go to bed, I have to arm an explosive attached to my door so I can shut my eyes without being worried I'll never open them again. So, sir, I think _"fine"_ is about as good as it gets.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

And which of those categories does Daniel fit in?

 

Even through the comms system, KEPLER can hear MR. CUTTER smiling. His response had been instantaneous. It was like he'd barely heard. This, KEPLER knows now, is the real reason MR. CUTTER called.

KEPLER's hand, on the console, shakes, almost imperceptibly. He forces it steady before he speaks.

 

**KEPLER**

(confused, on purpose)

Jacobi?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(cheerful, on purpose)

Mmhm.

 

Despite his best efforts, KEPLER is caught off-guard.

 

**KEPLER**

He's—that is to say, Mr. Jacobi is—uh…

 

MR. CUTTER chuckles. Before KEPLER had met him, he'd been unaware that real people chuckled.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

You are so _sweet_ , Warren.

 

COLONEL KEPLER has been called many things in his life. "Sweet" has never been one of them. Not once.

 

**KEPLER**

Sir?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

It's amazing to me that someone as ruthless and cruel as you—no offense, of course, you know I love those things about you—can still develop these kinds of feelings for someone!

 

All noise stops. KEPLER is not breathing. His heart is pounding so fast, he wonders if CUTTER can hear it over the comms. He is all but paralyzed. He says, very calmly,

 

**KEPLER**

I'm not sure I understand what you mean, sir.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(no longer cheerful, but still smiling)

Oh, then allow me to speak more plainly, Colonel. _Feelings_. Of the romantic variety. Infatuation, if you will. Puppy-love. A _crush_ **.**

 

The way he says CRUSH could mean the noun involving a heart, could mean the verb involving a fist.

 

**KEPLER**

(almost choking)

Sir, I can explain—

 

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Warren, I need you to understand something for me, and I need you to understand it _completely_. Your emotions are your own, _but_. If those emotions get in the way of your job in _any way_ , they will have to be terminated. Have I made myself quite clear?

 

**KEPLER**

(quiet, shocked)

Yes, sir.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Hm. You know, Warren? I don't think I have. You see, when I say "in any way," I do mean "in _any_ way." There will be _no need_ to act on your emotions. As you well know, there's _never_ any need to act on emotion! _Especially_ now.

 

KEPLER is sitting with a perfectly straight back, staring right ahead at the console. He knows MR. CUTTER is right. He knows that, in his line of work, what he _feels_ doesn't matter. He'd surrendered his right to _feelings_ the second he'd signed on. And... until JACOBI, he hadn't missed that right.

 

 **MR. CUTTER** (CONT'D)

I need you with a clear head, Warren. I need you to remember that you are not up there for fun. You are upthere to do a job. And, as you know—

 

**KEPLER**

(reciting)

You don't go home until the job gets done.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(back to his usual, cheery self)

Good! Now, what are you _not_ going to do, Warren?

 

**KEPLER**

(with gritted teeth)

I am not going to act on emotion.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

What emotion in particular?

 

KEPLER's insides are crawling. He's never admitted this, even to himself, and now MR. CUTTER is forcing it out of his mouth with a pair of pliers.

 

**KEPLER**

Attraction.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Hmm. Not _exactly_ the word I had in mind.

 

BEAT.

 

**KEPLER**

(at a loss, doubtful)

…Affection?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Oh, _no_. Never _that_ , Warren. Not from you.

 

**KEPLER**

(snaps)

With all due respect, sir, I'm not a fan of this game.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

Sure. Let me spell it out for you. Repeat after me: "I will not act on my romantic feelings towards my second in command, Special Operative Daniel Jacobi."

 

BEAT. It wasn't like it was a difficult request. It wasn't like KEPLER had planned on doing that, anyway, and even if he had, there was no reason to disobey MR. CUTTER. Not unless one wanted to taste the iron of Hell's gates. Which KEPLER didn't.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(drawn out)

_Well?_

 

**KEPLER**

I…

 

Another BEAT, while CUTTER waits. KEPLER's knuckles are white on the console.

**KEPLER** (CONT'D)

I will not…

 

But he can't finish. He can't. Why the hell can't he say it?

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(wincing)

Not great, Warren. Not great. I can only hope that this won't affect your ability to command. I would hate to see what would happen to you if it did.

 

It doesn't sound like MR. CUTTER would hate it so much.

 

**KEPLER**

I. Of course it won't. Sir.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(darkly)

Of _course_ it won't.

 

BEAT.

 

**MR. CUTTER**

(back to his old cheerful, creepy self)

Well! It was a good talk, Warren. Let me know if you need anything, okay? Bye, now!

 

CLICK. The call ends. KEPLER stares at the console for a minute, then drops his head onto it with a CLANG. That call couldn't have gone worse if there'd been a mutiny on board in the middle of it. He BANGS his fist on the console.

The thing about KEPLER is that he doesn't grow fond of people easily. In fact, he makes a habit not to. It tends to get in the way of killing them, in the end. That being said, when KEPLER does grow fond, it's with frightening ardor. It burns wild and pandemonious and _horrific_.

When KEPLER takes a liking to someone—a genuine liking—it scares even himself.

He knows one thing. If this continues, it will hurt everyone involved. Himself. The mission. JACOBI.

And he can't let that happen. Not on his command.

Head still down, he says,

 

**KEPLER**

I will not act on my romantic feelings towards my second in command, Special Operative Daniel Jacobi.

 

And he means it.

FADE OUT.  
END.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it, send me a chat on[ tumblr](http://bacchusofficial.tumblr.com/)?


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